Where Did That Come From? (Cont)

February 25, 2010 in Uncategorized with 6 Comments

This is a continuation of a post.  Click HERE to read part 1.

So…What’s your system?

If you work in ministry like me…Sunday’s always coming, someone is getting married, or someone hurting needs your attention.

You can always rationalize not taking care of yourself in Ministry.

The truth is, I used to rationalize it away in education…I’m sure you can rationalize it away in business.  It’s a problem for all of us.

IF YOU DON’T HAVE A SYSTEM…YOU WILL NEVER TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

I think scripture is clear…Jesus made time for himself.  Do you think he really needed to?  Do you think it might have been some modeling for us?  Who knows…The text doesn’t say…He did.

Also…Sabbath was important…It was commanded!  Pete Scazzero, in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, compared Sabbath to snow days.

Do you remember how it felt on a snow day and you couldn’t do anything?  God has built 52 snow days a year into our lives.

Here’s my system right now.

1.  My family and I Sabbath from dinner on Friday until dinner on Saturday…though I’ve been known to extend it into a movie night with my wife on Saturday.  That gives us time to prepare on Friday and me time to prepare Saturday night if I’m speaking or something else is going down on Sunday.

2.  I calendar my morning time.  My calendar actual says “Morning Ritual.”   I get to work early and do my “me” time.  That includes seminary work (I know your not supposed to do that but the truth is I’m a learner…it is refreshing to me), my personal reading, Bible Study, or listening to messages or leadership talks.  I’m half as effective during the day if I don’t get this time.  I don’t let my professional calendar creep into this time (most of the time).

3.  I calendar weekly lunches with some great people.  I try to have one lunch with someone who will challenge me in different ways.  These are great men in my life that I have invited to regular 1-on-1 community.  This is refreshing to me so I consider it both me-time and business.

4.  Quarterly I schedule an “unplanned day.”  I borrow the keys to someone’s lake house or mountain cabin and get away with NO PLAN.  I take a book, the Bible, and paper and a pen.  NO COMPUTER.  I bring enough food to be sure I have nowhere to go for 8 hours.  I need one of these very soon.

5.  Yearly I go on vacation.  These are far from restful with three little kids but (the best I can) I don’t think about work, seminary, blogging, or anything else like that.  It’s not that I don’t love all those things…I just need to get away.

How about you?  How do you take care of yourself?

If you can’t answer this question, stop what you’re doing and “Fill Up First.”

Where Did That Come From?

February 23, 2010 in Uncategorized with 1 Comment

Atlanta traffic stinks.  And, for  me, it’s a blessing.  It’s official.

I used to complain back in PA when I had to drive to see a girlfriend and it took me 20 minutes to get there.  Now, if I can get to the grocery store in 20 minutes I’m doing pretty well.

Most days I’m pretty good.  People are rude, they don’t drive well, and it takes forever.  Welcome to Atlanta! I am normally pretty calm these days (that was not always the case).  It is just the way it is.

The other morning…out of nowhere.

Kablow!

Out of nowhere I blew up.  All at once, It just all came out.  It was not pretty either.

Where did that come from?

My friend John Woodall preached a series called the Thin Red Line at North Point the last couple of weeks and he quoted this verse. (Listen Here)

Luke 6:45 (NIV) The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

Nothing had changed in my commute.  People were rude, traffic was bad, and I was sick.  My heart is sick.

Traffic is a blessing for me in a couple of ways.

  • As a contemplative it gives me built in “down time” every day. I’m a better pastor, husband, and father because of “down time.”
  • It serves as an indicator for me.  When I’m not patient in traffic, it is one of the first signs something is wrong with my heart (or I’m just late.)  It’s a sign that things are out of balance.  AND…most importantly….I‘m a jerk in the privacy of my own car!  And it doesn’t cost me relationally with anybody…unless you go and blog about it.

It is really no surprise my heart is a mess right now.  These few weeks have been packed for me.

  • I just returned from a 10 day trip to South Africa.
  • I have a 6, 4, and 1 year old. (Always crazy)
  • We are currently getting ready for over 1800 middle schoolers and 350 small group leaders for Walking Wisely Weekend.
  • I just started a new mentor group with Tony Morgan…which was great…just timed badly.
  • I am in the middle of an online class for Seminary.

I’m not taking good care of my heart.  When could I?

At North Point Xtreme we tell our Small Group Leaders to “Fill Up First” in all of our training.

The basic premise is that growing Christians grow Christians.

If you are in this business you have to put your growth first…or your ministry will kill you…and your heart…and then your ministry.  If it’s true for our vols…it’s just as much true for me and my staff.

So…what’s your system?

How do you make sure to take care of you? After all…Sunday’s coming…people need you.

You can find yourself cursing at a stop-light (or way worse) real fast if your not careful.

I need to do a better job…I’m not sticking to my system.  I’ll let you in on mine in the next post.

Open House – Weekly Report 5

February 22, 2010 in Uncategorized with 4 Comments

It’s always interesting when a neighbor has an open house.  I (not my wife at all) want to go and check it out.

This webpage has been sort of an experiment and I’ve been having a ton of fun doing it.  Months ago I met with John Saddington (Human3rror) to talk about this concept.  It has grown and changed over the last few months.  One of the opportunities that materialized was the chance to do a breakout with John about this page at The Orange Conference.  The topic of the breakout is blogging and we’re using this blog as a case study.  I knew absolutely nothing about blogging a few short months ago and John has been guiding me from day 1.  So, I thought it might be fun, if you like to follow this sort of thing, to give you an update on progress and thoughts on what I’ve learned each week until we do that breakout.  This is literally a “Blogging for Dummies” sort of situation.

So…If you’re one of those neighbors that wants to come to the open house just to see what is going on in the house and how much their asking…Welcome.

If you are considering a blog, I hope this, and the posts like this in the future are helpful.

Come on out to Orange and we can put a bow on this thing and talk about all we’ve learned.

Week 1 Report Here, Week 2 Report Here, Week 3 Report Here,Week 4 Report Here

Some Quick thoughts and stats:

  • Site visits as of Feb 15: 6120 RSS subscribers as of Feb 15:  31 (Anybody know why this fluctuates so much?  I had over 40 during the week!)
  • Hit a little goal I had.  I have over 100 hits a day during the week on my own.  Very good week.
  • I blogged about Orange and let some folks  know.  They linked me to a daily post…helped out a bit.
  • Had the first person quote my blog to my face.  I was surprised they read it but it was pretty cool.
  • Feeling like I’m getting a bit more connected with some youth guys around the country.  Pretty cool.
  • Posting is still very strange to me but it’s getting to be a bit more normal.
  • My Twitter Followers are blowing up.  At least for me.  Follow me if you haven’t already by clicking HERE…I could use the help.

Coming This Week:

  • Getting ready for Walking Wisely Weekend.  This should be crazy fun!  I’ll do my best to get two original blogs up this week.
  • Little nervous about posting my Tuesday post.  Check in to see why.
  • The Orange Breakout is coming along great.  Learning so much.  Maybe I’ll get some time with John this week…if he’s not sick!

Hard Conversations….

February 19, 2010 in Uncategorized with 4 Comments

I have made a career in the South out of being a Northerner.

In some ways I’m not kidding. People would always come to me to help them have the hard conversations or they would just send me into battle to do it for them.  It worked really well for me for a while and then I started to get a reputation as the mean guy.  That hasn’t been great for me to be honest.

The truth is, I think the most loving thing to do is to have a hard conversation early.

Pretending there’s not an issue for a while and then having a huge conversation is so much more damaging.

I loved this post from Michael Hyatt about having hard conversations with powerful people.

I think he’s right.  I especially agree that is needs to be done out of love.  If your intention is anything else but to help the person or to further the vision…don’t have it.  Your intentions are always showing.

Anybody have any other tips?

My Brow

February 18, 2010 in Uncategorized with 1 Comment

I’ve got a monster brow…seriously…it’s huge.  And, if left to itself (notice the singular is being used here), would overtake my face like Kudzu.

On top of that, I’m a contemplative so I walk around looking like I’m playing Chess…constantly in deep thought…or at least pretending to be so I don’t have to meet new people….Just kidding!

All that to say, the combo makes me look a bit unapproachable if you don’t know me.  Truth is… I’m just a big Teddy Bear!

Recently I went through the RightPath Leadership 360. I would recommend it.  The basic idea is that people fill out a survey on you and you get to see the gory details.  I learned a bunch more than that I look like an troll, but, here are some actual comments from the survey.

  • Shef needs to watch his first impressions. While he is a very caring guy many
    people don’t see that side of him…
  • Comes off too serious when you don’t know him. – More of a glass ‘half empty’ guy at times
  • Can sometimes be quiet, seem un-approachable, but other times can be very outgoing, talkative, etc. I think he has to work at being out-going.

Here’s what I’m thinking…

Is it “fair” that people judge me by something I have very little control over?

That’s a dumb question…it doesn’t matter.

The fact is that they do and they will judge me by that first impression.  You do it!

Because of that…My effectiveness with people will be limited by who I naturally am…Ouch!

So, I need to pay attention to that.  Now that I’m aware of that, I need to put energy into “looking” approachable.  I’m not faking anything here…I want to be approachable! I AM approachable. I just need to realize that I can either put energy into smiling a bit more…or wearing T-shirts that say so.  And, I don’t want to be that guy.

Here’s my question…

What’s peoples first impression of you?

Maybe it’s something you can’t help…maybe it’s something  you do on purpose.  I’m not saying you need to look a certain way.  Just be aware of it.  I’m not saying you don’t have the right to look how you want.

You totally have the right to be ineffective.

First impressions are important if you want to be effective.

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