Awkward Conversations

I recently had a member of my team ask me for 5 minutes…

We began our conversation and he started with a lot of  prefacing.  I always know something good is coming when people start prefacing.  I used to cut people off and tell them just to get to the point…but I’ve learned not to do that.  First, it’s rude.  Second, they’re going through a lot of trouble to tell you something, the least you can do is let them tell you the way they want to tell you. Finally, you can learn sooo much about a person from it.  Shut up and listen.

So, as you might have gueseed…after the prefacing…He called me on something?  I had done something that made him uncomfortable.  I had fallen short as a leader in his mind…and he told me about it.

So…How do you react?

I know a lot of people get very uncomfortable about this.  You feel you’ve been misunderstood.    You feel that you need to defend yourself.  You feel that it is disrespectful.  You feel they you failed as a leader if you admit failure.

Let me take these one at a time.

So…you feel misunderstood. That may be true…maybe you were misunderstood.  I’ve got news for you.  Here’s some truth.  It doesn’t matter what you say…it matters what is heard.  If you were misunderstood, find out what was misunderstood.  My advice during the awkward convo….Shut up and listen

So…you feel the need to defend yourself. Why?  Again…see the notes under being misunderstood.  Don’t you want to know that people are disagreeing with something?  Or would you rather them disagree with you around the water cooler and you not know about it?  My advice again…Shut up and listen.

So…you feel they’re being disrespectful. You would have a point if they publicly questioned you…maybe.  You don’t in a one-on-one meeting.  It’s not disrespectful…it’s valiant…Shut up and listen.

So…you feel you can’t admit you made a mistake. If you can’t admit you made a mistake…get out of leadership.  You will do more harm than good.  Am I being clear?

When someone sits down to talk to you and things get awkward.  You have a choice to make.  This is a pivotal moment in your relationship with them.  The way you respond the first time will determine the way these things will go in the future.

What choice will you make the next time things get awkward?